Sucker for Payne Page 8

  She laughed. “What’s complicated? He’s hot, Will. Go for it.”

  If only it were about his looks. That part was definitely not complicated. “I don’t know. We’re talking though.” It wasn’t exactly a lie.

  “I’ve got a meeting in five. I’ll come over after work, and I’m bringing wine.”

  I laughed and hung up. Wine cured many things, but I had a feeling it wasn’t going to touch the troubles I had going on at the moment.

  Two hours later, my eyes were crossing. I’d searched every classified ad within a thirty-mile radius. After ten emails and two phone calls, it seemed I had three possibilities. Working in a bar wasn’t my first pick, but I’d do what I had to do until I could find something else. Next was a local newspaper—my old rival—but I’d not burned any bridges with their editor, so I was hoping my chances were good. The last was a women’s magazine, which included working from home. Freelancing, basically. I would have rather talked to someone personally, but they were only taking applications online.

  I fought my urge to drive down to the gym all day. Finding that, even with all the confusion and uncertainty, all I wanted to do was see Conner. I wanted to touch him, and make up for every sad thought he’d had since the last time I saw him.

  The lights were still on, but just as I thought, Steele’s Jeep was the only one in the parking lot. I glanced around, taking in my surroundings before I walked to the door. It was locked, so I knocked a few times, hoping he could hear me. In my edginess, I rocked back and forth on my heels, with my arms crossed tightly over my chest. It was dark, and cooler than I’d expected. My long-sleeved T-shirt did little to keep the chill from my body.

  His expression as he unlocked the door told me he wasn’t exactly happy to see me. Either that, or he was surprised. Once I made my way inside, there was no doubt it was the former.

  “What’s up?” He locked the door back and stood in front of it, not inviting me in any farther.

  “I want to talk to you, if you have a minute.”

  “Look. I’m not really cool with getting involved in Conner’s shit. I like you, Willow. And I know that he likes you, but if you have questions, you need to ask him.”

  Obviously, I wasn’t hiding my emotions very well. “I get that.” The confidence I’d just had moments before dwindled at his words. “I’m not looking for his life story. Well, not from you, I guess. I’m just confused. I need someone who is not me, for reasons I won’t go into right now, to reassure me that he’s solid. Deep down, I know he is, but what he told me shocked me.”

  “I’m not sure what you want me to say. I don’t know what he shared with you, and it’s none of my business. But I will tell you that Payne is one of the best dudes I’ve ever met. We’re tight.”

  “Look, I know this is weird, and probably a little immature on my part.” I tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear. “I like him. I do. But my track record with bad boys is longer than I care to admit. I don’t want to put myself in a situation where I’m vulnerable to anything toxic. And for the life of me, I don’t think he is, but my feelings for him already scare me. After all the years I’ve invested in myself, making myself a stronger person, I just want to make sure what I’m feeling for him isn’t blinding me.”

  Steele shook his head, as if trying to convince me I was wrong about his friend. He rounded the tall counter in the lobby and took a seat on the stool, settling in for our conversation. He was more relaxed now, but hadn’t let his guard down. His hands were clasped on top of the counter, as if he were speaking to a client instead of a friend. “He’s got issues, but we all do. If you’re suggesting he’s toxic, I’d have to disagree.”

  “Oh God, no. That’s not what I was saying. I just—I care about him. And I want to make sure that if he and I were to make a go at it, it would be a positive thing for both of us.” I didn’t want him to misunderstand what my concerns were. I only wanted to talk to someone who knew Conner better than anyone. And since I wasn’t ready to speak to Conner just yet, I figured voicing my uncertainties to his best friend would garner me an honest opinion.

  Steele was being as serious as I’d ever seen him. “Look, we all have a past. All of us.” He pointed to himself, letting me know he wasn’t excluded. “If we walked around judging everyone on mistakes they’d made two, five, or even ten years ago…none of us would have friends.”

  Talk about putting me in my place.

  His words cut deep; flaying me open, he showed me what a hypocrite I was being. The truth was, I had secrets I was harboring too. And maybe Conner wouldn’t be able to deal with my baggage. I realized I’d come here looking for something that didn’t exist. No one could validate my feelings. No one could take responsibility for my insecurities. No one could forgive me for my own choices. That was an inside job.

  “You’re right. I’m just scared, I guess. As you said, we’ve all got skeletons. I have to talk to him; tell him how I feel.” I smiled, thinking about the new revelation.

  “You do that, but keep in mind that he has a fight in less than a week. He doesn’t need to be worn out.” He winked. Now that was the Steele I knew. “He’s got his eye on the prize, and I need him focused. His chances with the AFL are good.”

  “Worn out?” I chuckled. “Shut up.”

  His dimples appeared when I picked up on his perverse comment. And with that, Steele’s demeanor relaxed. He’d just been looking out for his friend, and I couldn’t blame him.

  I hugged him and whispered in his ear. “I’m going to take care of him.”

  He squeezed me tight, lifting me in the air. Just like that, the weight of our conversation had evaporated, and returned to the light-hearted friendship we’d been steadily building.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Conner

  “I’m not really familiar with Upton’s ground work,” Steele said. “But I’ve seen a few videos, and he leans right a lot. He’s weak on the left side, so take advantage of that.”

  “Got it,” I said.

  I’d been training nonstop for the past week. I was man enough to admit to myself that most of it had been to keep my mind off Willow. I hadn’t seen her once, nor had I heard from her. Not that she had my number, but there were other ways to get a hold of me. She’d not been to the gym, and that pissed me off more than anything because she needed to keep up with her lessons. I didn’t want to be the reason she wasn’t committed to learning how to protect herself, and I knew that I was.

  I hadn’t slept a full five hours in six days. My body was heavy, my head clouded, and my breathing labored. I wasn’t anywhere near ready to fight. But no one cared about that; the show must go on. And so, I entered the cage, for the first time in all my time training, defeated before I even fought. My mind was tormented with doubt. I peered back at Steele, feeling like I was letting him down somehow.

  I didn’t even remember the referee signaling. I took so many punches, I stopped counting at ten. I rolled a couple of times, locking and loading on him, but was unable to get a good grip on an ankle lock. I knew the moment he rolled me over, I was done.

  Rolling forward, I escaped his attempt at a choke hold. Standing up, dizziness overtook me, and I thought I was going to faint. I tried twice to dodge his fist and failed. My feet were planted flat on the ground, and it felt like I had cinder blocks attached to them. I wasn’t strong enough to pick one foot up and place it in front of the other. My vision blurred, lightness turning to darkness as I tried to make it to the corner. I fell, just short of reaching the cage, and landed on the ground like a ton of bricks. Knocked out.

  I came to with Steele at my head, slapping my cheeks, telling me to wake up. I looked around the cage, not sure what had happened. The last thing I remembered was stumbling around.

  “Morning sunshine.” His expression was tense, even though he tried to joke. “You good?”

  “Yeah.” I tried to sit up. Extreme nausea shot through my stomach, and I fell back.

  “Hold tight.” His voice trailed
off.

  The next thing I knew, I was in the locker room on the medic table. I pushed myself up, leaning on my elbow the whole time. Due to my injuries, I couldn’t take a deep breath. I reached for my ribs, but a warm hand touched my side.

  “Hey. You’re okay. Lay back down.”

  I shook my head, thinking I was hallucinating. Willow’s voice was soft as a lullaby. I listened as she told me over and over how to take slow and steady breaths. Just like a song, I breathed to the rhythm of her voice.

  After a couple of hours, the house doctor cleared me to go home. I felt fine at that point, but Steele and Willow both discussed taking care of me as if I were a child. But I shut up and listened, more so because my head pounded steady enough to make me feel like throwing up, and also because I didn’t have anything to say. I tried not to think about it too much, given the shape I was in, but I’d just lost a fight. Losing wasn’t a feeling I was familiar with. Not in the cage anyway.

  The biggest problem with the loss was that I had beaten myself. I’d given my opponent the win, and I didn’t understand why. Out of all the shit I’d been through in my life, I’d never given up. Until now. I’d thrown in the towel before the bout had even begun. In light of my revelation, I just wanted to go home. I wanted to be alone. I needed to try and understand why I was willing to lie flat on my fucking back for a girl. One who’d all but rejected me.

  “I’ll take good care of him.” Willow was all business, her hand rubbing my arm. “I will call you if we need anything.”

  “Watch him. He’ll be okay, just try to keep him up for a while,” Steele told her.

  “I promise.” Willow walked out of the locker room.

  “You good?” Steele asked me, walking around the table.

  “Yeah, man.” I sat up, fighting the nausea. “I will be.”

  “Payne, I—”

  “Don’t.” I could see the questions in his eyes. I could hear the sincerity in his voice.

  “What happened?” he asked anyway.

  “I don’t want to talk about it.” I was ashamed of myself.

  He nodded in understanding, but I knew he wasn’t going to let it go. It wasn’t in his nature. “We’ll talk later.”

  Willow re-entered the room like a tornado. Moving quickly to my locker, she picked up both my bags, grabbed my keys and phone, and moved toward me looking like a high school football manager. I wondered how she was able to carry all my shit, knowing everything probably weighed more than she did.

  “I pulled the car up to the back door,” she said. “Get him there, and I can do the rest.”

  “What about when you get home?” he asked.

  “I got this, Steele,” she snapped.

  Had I been in my right mind, I would have laughed at his face. He was genuinely concerned, although he knew I’d be okay. I hadn’t noticed before, but looking at her now, Willow was pissed. Her brow creased severely, and she was all business. As I leaned on Steele, I walked out to her car, following at a much slower pace. Her steps were quick, and she stuffed my belongings into the back seat, then opened the passenger side door.

  Once I had fallen into the seat, she leaned over me, buckling my seatbelt. Had I any energy, I would have brought her into me. I would have smelled her, and touched her skin, and reveled in the sensation while doing it. But there would be none of that tonight.

  After buckling my seatbelt, she slid out the passenger side door, and walked back to the driver side, without so much as a smile in my direction. I could hear her talking to Steele outside the vehicle. I couldn’t hear what they were saying though, and I didn’t much care. My head was pounding.

  “Can you turn the air on?” I asked as we made our way onto the highway. Sweat beads formed at my hairline. I took a deep breath and winced at the pain in my side.

  “Sure. Whatever you need, right?” The sarcasm was thick.

  At her curtness, I opened one eye, while squinting with the other. I hadn’t even looked at her since we’d started on our path to either my house or hers, I wasn’t sure. I closed the eye that was open, gingerly leaning back in the seat, and dozed off.

  “Come on, dummy! I can’t carry you and all your shit.”

  I awoke to her voice, and her tugging on my arm. It was an ill attempt, as I was still buckled into the seatbelt. I batted her hand away and felt around for the buckle. Once I was free, I pushed myself up, feeling unbalanced. I walked, with her help, up to my front door.

  She fumbled with the keys, trying the wrong one before she was able to unlock the door. I held a chuckle in at the fact I only had two keys on the ring. The other was for my truck. She was out of sorts and frantic in her movements, even though everything around me seemed to stand still.

  “Get on the couch, and I’ll put your things away.”

  “Thanks.” It wasn’t like she heard me, as she’d already started down the hallway.

  I stumbled over and fell into the cushions. I wished I had a pillow, but there was no way in hell I was asking her for anything. Not with the mood she was in.

  “Wake up, Conner. Conner? Steele said to keep you awake.”

  “I’m awake,” I lied.

  “No, you’re not.”

  I leaned up, adjusting myself in a halfway seated position, but couldn’t find any comfort. I slid back into the corner of the couch, trying to clear my head enough to prepare for what she was about to dish out. “What’s your problem?”

  “My problem?” She walked out of the room, only to return seconds later. I noticed she looked awfully comfortable in my small home, considering she’d never been there before. She punched the pillow from my bed, making me flinch each time, and then stuffed it behind my head.

  “Look, I’m fine. You don’t have to stay.” I didn’t want her to feel obligated.

  “Shut up.” Her eyes blazed with anger.

  My pain had started to subside, not from healing, but because I was focused on her. I grabbed her wrist with more grip than intended, and pulled her onto the couch next to me. “What’s the deal? Why are you being like this?”

  “I’m pissed.”

  “Why? Not that I would remember at the moment, but I don’t recall doing anything to you.” The vein in my temple thumped in time with my heartbeat.

  “Seriously? You didn’t do anything to me? God, you’re dense.”

  I shook my head, squinting in agony as the throbbing intensified. “I’m not following.”

  “Out of all the fights I’ve been to, I have never—ever—seen anything like that. Do you have any idea how scared I was? Do you know what you put me through watching that shit show?” Tears formed in her eyes and it seemed like every time they were ready to fall, her eyelids would suck them back in.

  My shoulders fell at her admission. “Sometimes, I feel like I hate you,” I whispered. Fighting off the pain, I pulled her into my arms.

  I’d wanted to say love. Sometimes, I felt like I loved her, and it was complete and total crap. I’d barely spent any time with her, but I just knew. Everything about her made me gravitate toward her. Her hair, her body, her smile, her smell, the way she called me a dummy when she was pissed…all of it. But most of all, I knew I could trust her. There was no substitute for that.

  Her body relaxed as she snuggled into me. I wasn’t sure she’d gotten my joke until she said, “I hate you too, especially when I see you hurt. That makes me despise you.” She hugged me tight, bringing my body flush with hers.

  It was fucked up, but I knew in that moment, we were both admitting our feelings for each other. I’d just told her I loved her, and she’d done the same. Anyone who could evoke those feelings in me had my heart, whether they wanted it or not. Even if it was shredded and harder than stone. She didn’t seem to mind.

  After allowing the heavy emotions that were tied to my fight to wear off, we stayed up all night talking about our childhoods, debating whose was worse. I won that sad competition. Willow told me about her mom, and how she couldn’t wait for me to meet her. I smi
led at all the right moments, but didn’t disclose much about my mother. I told her she’d all but disowned me, and left it at that. I didn’t feel the need to put that much negativity out in the open, being that it was basically our first night together.

  I learned that she and Lena had become friends quickly, and that she counted her as one of her closest confidantes. She was Willow’s Steele. I told her the story of how Steele and I met, and how it took me a couple of times at the gym before I talked to him. She was curious about how I came to fight, so I told her. In the beginning, it was more due to Steele badgering me, and also a way to make money. Not so much after tonight, but before then, I had begun to see it as a career opportunity. Steele was doing it, why not me? Well, tonight was one of the reasons I was not ready. Quitters didn’t deserve a chance at going pro.

  Clarity formed somewhere between the top half of my body softening, and the bottom half ready to burst through my clothes like the Hulk. God, she felt good; cuddled so close to me, I could smell her shampoo and feel every contour of her body. I ran my hands over her, as I memorized every curve, every soft patch of skin, and the way her hour-glass figure was dramatized when she was turned onto her side.

  I lifted her shirt, calculating every move. I even went as far as having her nod for confirmation. Too much too quick could compromise how far we’d come in such a short amount of time. I finally knew what it meant to love someone. A woman who I never wanted to give up. Who I needed to touch. Someone to talk to about something as insignificant as my childhood. Given that I’d barely remembered it, going back there hadn’t been as bad as I thought it would have been. At least, not with her.

  My palm slid firmly from her ribcage into the dip of her waist, then up and over her smooth hips. God, I wanted to put my mouth on her. Pain was the last thing on my mind. My muscles, as tight as they were, felt like putty. My adrenaline spiked as she made a small, contented sigh, and placed her head under my chin. Her eyelashes tickled when they fluttered closed.